IC Inbox/ DIO's Diary

[dioception]

[It is easy enough to send a private message to DIO, but anything written here would be visible only to recipients and to those who hold his book in their hands.]
{I'll pretty this post up more in the future}

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[dioception]

Yeah, as usual, Dio was just too late. Far too late. Someone else already had his heart, and there was no room left for Dio. Typical.

"Goodnight, Jonathan", was Dio's only reply, the vampire glaring down at the ground bitterly. He dodge have it in him right now. If he'd have forced himself to fade, back when he had The World Over Heaven, he could have at least gone out deluding himself that Jonathan could truly love him. Instead, he had to be a coward.

With that thought, Dio stated making his way or of the room, headed for his own room. Might as well go where he belonged, right?

[rayofsunlight]

"Wait-" Jonathan starts to say, desperate, reaching a hand out towards Dio with an utterly miserable expression. But then he retracts it, letting it fall to the bed next to him and leaning his head back to thump against the headboard a bit hard. He didn't know what to do anymore, what to say, how to fix things.... no, he'd just permanently damaged things, hadn't he? He didn't want to lose what he and Dio had, but was it truly fair to keep it going when it meant stringing the other man along? Did... did Jonathan want to love him like that, when he had a wife and Dio had done such horrible things to him in the past? Or was he feeling this way because in some warped way, it was nice being someone's everything and he didn't want to lose that? God, he didn't understand a single thing.

All he ended up doing was breaking the heart of the man that kept him safe and free of most of his lonliness. Jonathan really wished he could just make himself what Dio wanted him to be for him, but in the end, Jonathan was just too much the type to devote his entire heart and soul to one without leaving room for another. As long as he stayed married to Erina, there would be no place for Dio, and Jonathan had no plans on giving up his ring any time soon, not when there was even a fraction of a chance that she could show up one day. This... was all a very big mess.

[dioception]

Dio did wait, but only for a moment. He knew there was nothing that'd patch this up. Dio wasn't lovable enough, and even if he was, Jonathan made it very clear that he'd always be one step down from Erina.

"You want a name for what we are, Jonathan? Roommates. That's it right now." Dio was talking partially out if hurt, but also... that was the most correct, right? They just shared a home.

"I will always hope for you to change your mind, but I know you won't."

[rayofsunlight]

"Alright." Jonathan concedes, though the hurt in his voice is obvious. This isn't how he wanted today to go, but after speaking with Mikado as he had... he couldn't just continue to let things lay in the air as they were. He'd made his bed, and now he was going to lay in it.

"I'm sorry, Dio." Maybe one day. Maybe. He could make absolutely no guarentees, but maybe.... one day he could learn that his heart is big enough.

[dioception]

Dio was conflicted. He was hurt, sad, and he wanted to be by himself. But he also didn't want to be alone, and he could hear how hurt Jonathan was as well. Dio loved Jonathan, as truly as he could love anyone, and he didn't want to hurt him, but he was also afraid of being hurt more by being strung along.

He turned around to look at the other man from the doorway. "I love you, Jonathan."

[rayofsunlight]

"I love you, too." Even if it wasn't in the intensity that Dio wished it was, he still did, and that was probably more than the blond could've ever hoped for to begin with. Jonathan hated causing him pain, wished that he could assuage Dio's worries by being what he wanted them to be... but he couldn't. He couldn't lie to him just to make him feel better. Jonathan also didn't want to give him false hope and string him along, so he keeps his thoughts about "maybe"s to himself.

"I wish this could've been different."

[dioception]

"You and me both", Dio replied, no longer looking at Jonathan. He had to go now, or he'd break down again, and this time he'd try to curl up in his arms.

He closed his eyes, heaving a sigh and then finally leaving Jonathan's room, headed to lay in his coffin again, wishing desperately that he wasn't afraid to put the lid over it.