IC Inbox/ DIO's Diary

[dioception]

[It is easy enough to send a private message to DIO, but anything written here would be visible only to recipients and to those who hold his book in their hands.]
{I'll pretty this post up more in the future}

Comments

[totallysane]

Fine. You don't have to believe me.

But if our deal is really so simple as my blood for your body, why did you tell Sam it was complicated? What's complicated about it, Dio?

[dioception]

It's all very complicated, Mikado. Mostly in that I don't believe I have ever once seen who you really are under all of those masks you wear.

Sometimes I wonder if there is anything genuine left of you at all.

How can I know my relationship to someone when I don't even know the person?

[totallysane]

You saw me. You saw me when I panicked and yelled at you in all caps over Sam. My terror over the idea of losing him was real.

You saw me when I came to you because I thought you needed me, because I thought you might die. That concern was real.

And you saw me when I took advantage of that vulnerability to do something you may not have let me do otherwise. That was real too.

[dioception]

Look, I get it. You want everyone to do what you want, but you're not physically strong enough to, so you lie and act in order to fool people.

I don't care about that. Keep on doing whatever you are doing, but stop acting like you are fooling me. I've spent a century locked in a coffin at the bottom of the sea before, I'm not so desperate for companionship that I'll eat up whatever shit you tell me.

[totallysane]

Sometimes I wish I hated you as much as you think I do.

Do me a favor. Next time just fuck me dry, it'd be about as pleasant as reading that was.

[dioception]

Got it. I'll write that down in my book so I do not forget. "Next time Mikado wants to be fucked dry."

You should hate me. I've done nothing to warrant otherwise, and will continue to do so.

[totallysane]

I guess we'll have to see which of us is more stubborn then.

By the way, are you enjoying the mirror I made you?

[dioception]

It's particularly useful, yes.

[Of course, he couldn't really know that Dio was using it to watch people, but that's beside the point.]

[totallysane]

I thought you might like it. I made it extra pretty for you.

Being useful is enough for me, if you won't trust me. Don't stop letting me do that.

[dioception]

I honestly do not know what you're on about. You and Montague both have this weird complex about being useless, but you are the most useful people in the settlement.

[totallysane]

[ He stares at this for a second, not sure how to respond. Is that a compliment? It is, isn't it? Even though Dio is talking about him having a complex about it, saying that he's one of the most useful people in settlement - up there with Navarro! - is just crazy. He blinks at the phone for a long moment, and then finally types. ]

I guess it's hard to get used to the idea. There's a difference between being useful to the community and useful to the people you choose to devote yourself to, though.

But thank you for the vote of confidence.

[dioception]

[Dio hadn't really meant it as a compliment, but take it however you want, Mikado.]

If you're truly devoted, then you are as useful as anyone can be, even if you fail.

[totallysane]

And how do you gauge true devotion?

[dioception]

[Aaah, now he's come to the right man. As a former deity, he knew the qualities of the best devotees. You know, for his own purposes, in any case.]

There are many types of devotion,
Mikado, but the most important thing is that a devotee be willing to sacrifice themselves for the one they are devoted to, without asking anything in return.

It calls for loyalty, selflessness, and resolve. Though the things I look for in devotees differ slightly from what most people look for, these are the basics that remain the same.

[totallysane]

That "not asking anything in return" thing sounds pretty hard. Are you just supposed to trust the person you're devoted to, to do what's best for you? Or is that not even supposed to matter either?

[dioception]

That's what separates the devoted from the rest.

[totallysane]

You don't think I'm capable of it, do you?

[dioception]

Not in the least, Thriller. I can't really fault you that.

But you'll play at it convincingly, hm?

[totallysane]

Apparently not that convincingly.

[dioception]

Not to me, no.

You can't really convince me of much though, don't feel bad. I've known true devotion, and I'd never in a million years believe that you would give me a fraction of the worship I'd been given previously.

The people who readily gave me their lives nightly. People who willingly decapitated themselves for my benefit, before rebirth was an option. And of course, the one who had devoted his life to bringing about Heaven at my side. [Was it obvious enough that he missed them?]

You couldn't measure up, but perhaps your energy is best spent elsewhere.

[totallysane]

No, I couldn't do those things.

There are things I'm trying to do though. The blood, that's one thing. Making things for you, that's another. You know my body is available, though you're probably drowning in those kinds of offers.

I couldn't promise everything I am to anyone though, that's true, because it would require only caring about that one person, and no one else. If I offered up what would hurt my friends for me to give, that would be a problem. I already lie, now.

[dioception]

You enjoy being drained though, and while I've yet to figure out whether you actually enjoy the sex or not, it benefits you as well.

You do things for me because it benefits you to do so. Not because you feel any sort of devotion to me. I can feel the difference in our every interaction.

The way you speak, how you hold yourself around me.

Each time we meet, it is a business transaction. Nothing more.

[totallysane]

Is that really how you want it? YOu didn't give me that impression, sometimes.

Is that really how it has to be?

I won't deny that I enjoy it, but can't something be an equal exchange without being that cold?

[dioception]

Do you truly believe that anything inside of me is not that cold?

[totallysane]

I do believe that.