MoM IC Inbox

[dioception]

"I, DIO, do not have the time or care to answer. Leave your message and leave me be."

AUDIO | VIDEO | TEXT | ACTION

Comments

audio;

[baetiful]

It seems as though we were victorious. What do I owe you, my friend?

audio;

[dioception]

Ah, good evening. I'm more than content with the aforementioned monetary compensation, and don't intend to ask for more. Your continued trust in my abilities is all that is necessary.

audio;

[baetiful]

I would say you've certainly proven yourself. And simply let me know how you prefer your payment -- cash, check, gold. I'm flexible.

While I have you on the line, though. It seems my previous lawyer has gone missing. Perhaps it's for the best as it now opens up the opportunity for me to ask if you could fill the role?

audio;

[dioception]

I'm partial to gold, but I suppose cash would be the most convenient in this situation, so that would be the better choice for my purposes.

I believe such an arrangement would be advantageous for the both of us, milord. I would be happy to accept your offer.

[text]

[14words]

Thoughts, my friend? I thought you would be the more knowledgable source than I in these matters.

[text]

[dioception]

[First of all, why.

Second. What?

It takes a bit for Dio to respond, not because he's stumped but just because he's... not entirely sure what is going on.]

A, of course. A fish head can't speak. Not terribly good companionship.

[Also like the human half can give him a blowjob, he's not gonna pretend a vagina is his biggest concern.]

[text]

[14words]

[first of all why not

second of all i don't. even know myself.

there's a beat before pucci answers]

a good point, my friend.
what do you believe a strictly heterosexual being would pick?

[the heterosexual mystery]

[text]

[dioception]

Male or female?

Well no.

Anyone would choose A over B. Only a fool or a man who preferred to overpower a woman rather than seducing them would ever choose B over A. The first woman has an attractive body shape, exposed breasts, soft, pillowy lips, and functioning arms and hands.

She is good not only for physical relations, but also for verbal companionship.

The fish head is horrendous to look at, and the nice legs do not make up for it. Furthermore,
you could not hold a conversation with such a creature.

In addition, if stranded along on an island, the woman with a fish tail would be much more effective at catching fish from the surrounding ocean with the ability to make and use tools as well as the propulsion from a finned tail, whereas the other looks ill-suited for life in general.

There is a reason the tales are of beautiful women with fish tails and not the other way around,
Enrico.

following the topic of mermaids and fish-women, sent at an ungodly hour for human children

[tropism]

Dear Mr. Brando,

If in the film The Little Mermaid, King Triton has seven daughters for the seven seas, would their mother be called the Dead Sea?

Sincerely,
Giorno Giovanna

[dioception]

No, because Triton is named after a son of Poseidon in Greek Mythology. If I am being honest, I would say that the most likely name that his wife would have had is Nereid, considering that Nereids were the name given to sea nymphs from the Aegean Sea.

That, or she could have similarly been named for any number of Earth Deities or Fertility Goddesses.
You know how mythology is. A million names for one simple thing.

[tropism]

You act like you've never seen or have been touched by the movie. It came out in 1989 and had hits like "Under the Sea" and "Kiss the Girl".

Then again, that's to be expected. Mythology is quite difficult and after a while it becomes more fantastical than anything else, plus you were kind of busy around 1989. [ hahhhhh. ]

[dioception]

I have not.

I died in 1989. Thanks for bringing it up.

text text text

[shadowglitter]

Hello, old friend of Enrico Pucci's.
Deseperately erect heterosexual with a fundamental misunderstanding of the pros and cons of fathering a child.
He with the foolish notion that one must not, under any circumstance, mix one's seed with the supple anatomy of a woman blessed with the gill-bearing visage of a fishy fish.
It is I, Odin Dark, Scion of Heroes, He of the Shadowed Veins, Ethereal Light in the Ephemeral Darkness.

I've decided out of mutual respect for Enrico Pucci, we would do well to get along.
So, what is it that you like?
Bribery? Compliments? Blackmail? Physical intimacy, either violent or sexual? The gift of death, as I tear your mortal coil asunder with my sweet rainbow sword?
What do you need for us to become besty best best friends? BFFsies? BOSOM BUDDIES.
My hand is displayed and the deck is ready to be shuffled.

[dioception]

I like people who decapitate themselves for me and allow the blood to fall into an urn so that I may drink it.

Seriously though, if you keep tormenting Enrico I'm going to turn you inside out.

[shadowglitter]

I don't know how to do that...
I guess if you write me up an instruction manual on how to properly do so I can look into it?
Don't underestimate the measures I'm willing to go to to make friends with someone cool, you swine.

I'm not tormenting him, though! I love him.
He loves me, too, which I bet he'd tell you if you just asked him.
He's told me about a bunch of his problems and I've told him about a bunch of mine and we sleep over at each other's houses and he taught me how to do a cool thing on my tongue with cherries.
He was really impressed with me when I learned how to do it.
Are you the type of man to impress Enrico Pucci?
I DIDN'T THINK SO.

[dioception]

I think the only thing impressive about you is that you continue to use so many words without saying a single thing.

If you ever call me swine again, I really will turn you inside out. But I'll keep you alive, so that you have to suffer eternity as a monstrosity.

[text] it is time

[14words]

dio, did you have sex with whitesnake?

[text]

[dioception]

Yes.

Did.

Was that not your intention?

[text]

[14words]

he isn't listening to my commands so he has been
well, you've seen now.
i suppose i should be thankful it was you and not someone else.

audio

[h2no]

Dio? Hi, uh, we spoke once before, I don't know if you remember me--

[not a good start. fuck.]

Sorry for calling you when it's still daylight. It's about Pucci, if you could get back to me when you're up. Thanks.

[dioception]

[Really, he wouldn't have been very quick to respond to this, but anything to do with Pucci was something Dio had some amount of urgency for.]

Hello, yes. I remember you.

...Did something happen to Enrico?

[h2no]

Ah-- yes, unfortunately. A while ago he called me asking for help, it-- I don't know if he was attacked by someone, but one of his arms looks like it had been torn off.

[is torn off even the best way to put it? looked more like it had been pulled into shredder.]

I healed him as best I could-- he's resting at my place at the moment. He's lost a lot of blood and he's not going to die, but I think having a close friend to look out for him would help a lot. I'm going to see if he'll come with me to the hospital just to get checked over as a precaution as well, unless you want to go with him...?

audio;

[baetiful]

[ Baelish is here to lay out the facts. If they want to win, they have to play a little dirty. ]

I've spoken to quite a few people. The odds seem to be against you, my friend, and in favor of Padme Amidala. I would recommend sending out gift baskets to a good majority of the imPorts with the simple message to vote for you. It is amazing how a little bit of a gift can change the minds of many. They will also greatly appreciate you having taken the time to send them something so personalized.

audio;

[dioception]

She does seem quite capable, but far too earnest for my liking. It would be troublesome if she were the one to win this.

Do you have any imPorts in mind specifically? I could send gifts out to a large number of course, but specifically I'm interested in those who seem like they could be pulled from my competition.

audio;

[baetiful]

Unfortunately, she does have a vast majority of her support from home. So it will be difficult to win them over. But I may suggest appealing to Kaneki Ken and Foggy Nelson. Kaneki for the non-human aspect and Foggy for the fact that you can connect as lawyers.

Those two alone will not win you the election, however. But they are two less potential votes for your competitor. Consider sending gifts to those who are undeclared. I suggest Emmett Brown, Sadie Doyle, Tina Belcher, Harleen Quinzel, and Rincewind. And then if you could reach out to as many new arrivals as possible -- capitalize on the fact that they do not know about the election by allowing your name to be the first they hear.